My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Please don't give away my fajitas
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
