i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
