yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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