What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
