Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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