please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
