yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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