Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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