I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
