He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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