"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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