There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Randomize