Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
