It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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