They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
