i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
