Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
