People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
