I need help removing her.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
