I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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