Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
