I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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