Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
