I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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