I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
