My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
