I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
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I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
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Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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