new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
