i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
