Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
