She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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