if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
