Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
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