Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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