The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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