i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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