One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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