so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
