My boss' voice literally gives me gas
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
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I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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