I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
