He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
