you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
