Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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