i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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