i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
