dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
