it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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