My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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