The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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