we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
