Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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