You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
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