My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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