with your own penis?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
