honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
