he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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