My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
