I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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