ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
