If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
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I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
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He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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