the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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