I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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