I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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