I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
