I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
