It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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