hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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