What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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