Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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