Having a random hookup so left but love u
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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