so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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